Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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