So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
