i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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