I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
