I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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