I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
