seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
