remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
