SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
