Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
