I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I looked at my own cervix.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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