What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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