Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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