Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
