I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
