I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
