Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
