oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
