Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
