there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
