You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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