Duck Duck Cougar?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
