Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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