Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
