I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
