I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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