i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
