If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize