There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
