Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In other news, I just burned my penis
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
