I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
