Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
