The maid of honor just puked.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
