Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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