So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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