i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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