We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
