You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
