I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A+ Viking dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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