you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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