OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
