I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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