please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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