No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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