Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
