is your mom at the bar?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I look better un-naked...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
