He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
