Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
