We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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