My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
