Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
