Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
