:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
