So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
