i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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