You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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