Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
