so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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