I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
