i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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