I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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