please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
