he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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