His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
nutella sex= disaster
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
