Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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