dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
