I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so much tequila, so little girl.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
