I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
