He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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