I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
