Non-Jews are for practice
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
