I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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